Ask Julie: Dating and Relationship Advice

Should I Cancel This Date?

Hi Julie,

Recently I met a fellow and he asked for my number and shortly thereafter we went to dinner. Later he called and asked if I wanted to go to the symphony on the 21st of March, and he wanted to go to the show this week. I said I would have to get back to him about the show since I was driving in the car and had to call a girlfriend to check if we were going to Tahoe as previously planned. I said I would like to go to the symphony.

When I got home that evening I realized I had signed up for “Joseph & the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat” on the 21st of March; in fact, I had mentioned this to him twice, once at the 1st dinner and also at the 2nd dinner date; and with much excitement since I was looking forward to it. The next morning I called him to tell him that I had been registered for this play, and could not make it to the show this week. He said that he had already purchased the tickets for the symphony, so I responded that I would try to cancel the play, which I did.

I woke up the next morning with the feeling that I was being manipulated. I don’t know if the 21st date was just a coincidence, or was intentional. I don’t want to be a poop and cancel if the gentleman had really purchased the tickets already, however, I have this strong feeling of being manipulated. I won’t date this man after the symphony even if I do attend with him.

Please share your opinion whether I should cancel the date or not.

Thanks,

Sharon

---

Dear Sharon,

First rule in dating- be true to yourself and follow your instincts, and act on them. It’s difficult for me to tell you to cancel on this fellow at this time. However, I urge you in the future to remain true to yourself. You already had tickets to something you were more excited about- I’m very curious why you would have cancelled your plans in the first place. Now, you’ve got yourself in a sticky wicket. In the future, do remember nobody manipulates us without our permission.

Sincerely,

Julie

---

Julie Paiva is the Founder & CEO of Table for Six Total Adventures™; The premier northern California singles dining and matchmaking social club. Julie is a recognized dating/relationship expert and Image Consultant, and is available for individualized coaching. For appointments call 415-782-0680. Visit the Table for Six Total Adventures™ website at: http://www.tableforsix.com/

Ask Julie: Dating and Relationship Advice

Dating Etiquette

Dear Julie,

I've been dating this wonderful man for a month. We talk on the phone every day and we see each other as often as we can. He said he wants to date me exclusively. I feel the same. Most of the time, he pays the bill when we go out. I have offered to pay a couple of times and he has appreciated that gesture. The relationship seems to be moving forward. He is already talking about traveling to Europe together. I don't feel comfortable with that idea even though it would be very romantic. I don't want things to get too serious too fast. He just came out of a relationship two months ago. He said the relationship was already over when he decided to end it. I have a couple of questions:Am I expected to offer to pay for my share of a dinner/movie etc. I find this not very romantic. Should I offer to pay for dinners/movies etc more often? What is the best approach to this issue? Do you think I should bring this issue up with him or is it a no-no? What advice do you have for someone who is dating a man who has recently ended a relationship? Why does he want to move so fast with our relationship? Should I be careful?

Thanks for your time in answering this e-mail.

Regards,

Maria

---

Hi Maria,

I appreciate your concern with this man moving fast. However, when men know what they want, they do move fast - remember, they are not process but goal-oriented-so when they want something, they go for it. Now, many men are considered to be afraid to make a commitment. This is very misunderstood - actually, men are not afraid of commitment, they are afraid of failure! But, clearly, you have a man who is not- so I would enjoy- IF you want to make a commitment to make a commitment to him! Now, as for the pay issue: my advice is to let him pay for everything, however, on a fairly regular basis, invite him for dinner at your place, tell him you are treating him to the movies and dinner etc… This is a much more gracious and romantic way to share financial burden. Good luck!

Sincerely,


Julie

---

Julie Paiva is the Founder & CEO of Table for Six Total Adventures™; The premier northern California singles dining and matchmaking social club. Julie is a recognized dating/relationship expert and Image Consultant, and is available for individualized coaching. For appointments call 415-782-0680. Visit the Table for Six Total Adventures™ website at: http://www.tableforsix.com/

Ask Julie: Dating and Relationship Advice

Dear Julie,

I met someone who I thought was interesting over the weekend. I thought we made some connection and before she left, I asked her for her phone number and without hesitation she gave it to me. Needless to say, I called her and left a message asking if she would be interested in “hooking-up” again for dinner and a movie. It’s been a week and I haven’t heard a peep from her. Now, I’m beginning to question whether me saying “hooking-up” could mean something other that what I intended it for and thus sending the wrong message. I have learned from a female co-worker that asking a woman to dinner on a first date will scare them away. I’m curious if there’s any truth to that. I like to think that she was not interested in me but I fear that it’s all of the above. Obviously, I have no clue and I’m still reading the intro pages to “Men are from Mars…” Please sign me up for your next therapy session on “Making That Call.”

Sincerely yours,

Rick

---

Dear Rick,

It’s a tough time to be a guy, isn’t it? Everything is so PC today. However, given that, I don’t really believe that asking a woman out for a dinner on a first date is going to scare them away; one might say that if you suggested a cup of coffee etc…you would be considered cheap! So, it’s not that. As for using the words “hooking up,” I also doubt that that was a problem; still I would recommend “getting together” in the future. It is always difficult in this crazy single’s world we live in to really know why a woman (or man for that matter) doesn’t call back. I would give it one more chance. Good luck and let me know what happened!

Sincerely,

Julie


Julie Paiva is the Founder & CEO of Table for Six Total Adventures™; The premier northern California singles dining and matchmaking social club. Julie is a recognized dating/relationship expert and Image Consultant, and is available for individualized coaching. For appointments call 415-782-0680.


Visit the Table for Six Total Adventures™ website at: www.tableforsix.com